Observations of a blown mind

M.D’s Story

Reading ‘your’ biography was really inspiring. It makes me want to write my own story.

I can really identify with the getting baptised at 18 part. I was also baptised at 18 and hate it when people say that was my choice. Yes, at the time I thought that I was doing what was right and I was happy to do it but it was not an informed choice. I had a very close relationship with my family and grew up knowing that I was gay.

Constantly attending meetings where they talk in disgust about homosexuality destroyed my self-confidence. I ballooned to nearly 19 stone and was dreadfully unhappy. Eventually, I left to give myself a chance of happiness to try and find a relationship and wanting to stop casual sex. How ironic that actually wanting to live a more moral life was what got me disfellowshipped!

I left still thinking it was the truth and losing everything was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through. Everything gone in a day. No more family, and all my old friends disappeared right before my eyes. I felt so guilty, at the time, for causing so many people so much pain. I sat three seats from my brother at St Mary’s stadium and he ignored me, even when I said ‘Hello’.

In time I met my ex, who became a very important part of my life. I moved in with him and he finally started to break down my cult thinking, reasoning with me and opening my mind. I will always thank him for that. I remember the fear I felt in questioning him, how terrified I was at the thought of being an apostate. It scares me that my mind was once so controlled.

I am now living as a single man in a house share. I support myself, and over time have built up a large group of friends. I have a relationship with my parents that is very limited, but at least it is something. I see them occasionally for dinner, maybe every few months and speak to them on the phone once a month.

My brother got married two months ago, I wasn’t invited. I have not seen ANYONE else from my family or former friends for the last eighteen months nor have I had any contact from them. It’s only been 18 months since I was disfellowshipped and I am only 22, but I am so proud of what I have done and where I am today. I now weight 12 stone 10.

I think many people will relate to most aspects of your story MD. The stand out for me is that you are making a go of it as yourself, despite the troubles that decision has given you. Always stay true to yourself. – Chris


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